DrunkNinja: I came across your profile and was wondering if you would accept an engagement of witty banter between two intellectuals. Of course this "engagement" may start off as purely platonic but my sensual desires will most likely guide our cohesive unity down more erotic, lascivious, and sexual paths that will include but are not limited to rump pounding, sperm warfare, sexual acts involving food (I knew you would especially like this one), and an abundance of new unchartered sexual positions where I assert my pure dominance in establishing a realm of absolute sovereignty in your nether regions.
I look forward to hearing back from you Please don't keep me waiting babe
Crystal - So because I'm a big girl you think I want to involve food in my sexual acts?
Drunkninja - Well its necessary to consider the correlation between overeating and *** size. The fact remains that overconsumption of calories has a direct effect on *** size (and other body parts, though less interesting). Those who engage in such gluttony usually have an addiction in which the thought of a heaving massive portions of calorie dense foods sends an increase of dopamine through out the brain. This is in fact, the same effect that the very act of sex creates. With that said, is it really that absurd of me to take into consideration that your love of food could be combined with sex to create a magestic synergistic effect that heightens all of you senses which could, undoubtably, lead to one of the most intense orgasms you have ever received? You should graciously accept my proposed benevolent gift to you as this benifits you more than I. Whenever you are ready to stop being so stubborn on this issue, please lets begin to communicate like intellectual adults. I propose we begin by discussing ancient Greek mythology and folklore and how it pertains to current american culture.
Best regards to you
Crystal - Thank you for being so gracious but I'll pass. No thank you.
Drunkninja - Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. I am sending you a box of chocolates as a symbol of my unwavering devotion.
Crystal - Are you really enjoying this? Still in High School?
Drunkninja- I just sent you chocolates. I don't understand the anger and resentment coming from you. I send you numerous benevolent gifts and in return I receive hatred and scorn. I might as well drag the crucifix my back and deliver it to your home so you can nail me to it and make me a martyr. Would that make you happy?
Crystal - Its sad that your 24 I believe and get off on making fun of people.
Drunkninja - I can only turn the other cheek so many times before my human rage surpasses my spiritual wisdom.
With that said, **** you whore of Babylon! I smite the ground you walk on. I hope you are thrown into a firery pit of distain where you will receive no Whoppers for eternity, but only after the massive amounts of blubber are liposuctioned from your dumpy body and used to make fuel which will provide heating and air condition to starving children in third world countries.
Crystal - Thank you for cheering up my day.
Drunkninja - Judging from your replies I am beginning to believe you derive a certain amount of masochistic sexual pleasure from the degredation and deprivation bestowed upon you. In risk of sounding arrogant I am quite an expert at degrading women in the bedroom as well. Perhaps we can try bondage where I tie you up and beat you with an oversized turkey drumstick. Would that be more palatable to your sexual desires?
Crystal - I find this whole conversation stupid. I could care less what you think of me.
Drunkninja - See this is why we have so much animosity towards each other. I make a proposal to perform an act that will spice up our sex life and you outright deny it or ignore and call the conversation "stupid". If you are going to call it stupid at least provide me with some insight on what you would prefer to do. For example my old girlfriend used to like role playing. I would protend to be a Fascist dictator in an established one world government (a personal dream of mine) and would round up all of her non Aryan dolls and barbies and place them in internment camps that I made out of popsicle sticks. I would then capture my girfriend (who was not of the master race) and enslave her. We would act out many disgusting and vile sexual acts while forcing her to recite the declaration of independence.
See how that works, I am giving you something to work with here. You have to help me out if you want this relationship to work.
Crystal - Other than the fact that you make fun of fat people I find you quite funny
Drunkninja - As I stated previously I was mainly appealing to your masochistic desires so in a sense you should be thanking me for taking the added measures in order to establish an undeniable attraction between us.
Crystal - So your attracted to fat girls?
Drunkninja - Very perceptive of you. I have actually been having some strange fetishes involving Rosie O'donnel. Not sure why but you can't fight nature
Crystal - So you think to win a fat girls heart is by offering food during sex? Calling her names? Treating her like ****? I'd never be with a man that talked to me the way you have. There is a thing called respect. Learn it.
Drunkninja - Listen to me very carefully. I told you all along that what I am telling you is for your own good, but Crystal, your stubborness gets in the way of reason. Do you not realize what I am trying to accomplish. The truth is fat people don't go to heaven. I don't know whether its because the air is so thin up in heaven that it cant sustain massive amounts of lard or that its assumed by god that fat people don't have souls. All I am trying to do here is convert you on the righteous path. Please take my hand and I will help you defeat the beast know as gluttony. I also might give you some pitty sex as well. Thats definitely an added bonus.
