I'm with Ed. Whether you want kids or not is pretty binary. Not much room for negotiation. Money can be negotiable, but only to a certain extent. Your major financial philosophy isn't. Those are things you are probably going to find someone of a like mind with to hope for compatability.

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This is why you date, though. You learn about those incompatibilities.

If you compromise on these fundamentals, you won't be happy once the honeymoon period ends.

There's one breakup from shortly after I started dating again after the divorce that I remember. This person checked off a lot of boxes for me. I am sure family and friends would have been delighted.

But about a month or two in, I realized we have very different views on money and lifestyle and I wasn't sure she was a kind person, at least in a way that I could recognize. Stuff that I never would have considered pre-first-marriage when I was more lonely than thinking about long-term compatibility.

This was about the hardest thing I ever had to do, because she was taking me to meet parents, etc, but I broke up with her. She was furious. Then she wrote me a long list of reasons why I sucked as a potential partner. Which kind-of proved my point - she was probably lonely, too.

What so many miss, especially in this age when people are connected to social media 24/7, is that the honeymoon phase is almost always wonderful if you're attracted to someone. Life's not going to be like that. You need something more, underneath, for when that period ends. I would call that moral values (not necessarily in a religious sense - I am not religious at all myself) or a shared outlook on life.

And if the honeymoon phase isn't wonderful, likely because of a lack of attraction or even larger fundamental differences, that's a bad sign, too.

Of course, if you don't want kids, and bring them into the world anyway... sucks to be them, doesn't it? And they have no say in the matter. Though some people are reluctant and turn out to be wonderful parents, so that's not meant to be discouraging. Not ready, but happily surprised happens all the time.

Could be in the Random thread but thought this was somewhat related to current discussion ...

I can see getting one if you can change the avatar, definitely better than just talking to Siri or Alexa device. But article says more for the lonely guy which is weird, sad and (IMO) pathetic at the same time.

Men Are Buying Tiny Holographic Wives To Avoid Marrying Real Ones | YourTango

Combine her with a RealDoll2 and I'm in.

Oh com'on.

After all the time and effort this forum spent to help you with your dating breakthrough, you're going to regress to this?

Seems kinda pathetic to me.

Kinda?

Another way for people to regress from actual human interaction into some sort of fantasy world as a coping mechanism for an inability/unwillingness to experience the real emotional ups and downs of living.

That thing should be outlawed. Talk about completely warping what a young mans expectations of what an actual woman should be.

That is alarmingly gross.

Yeah, like a proper Irish descendent I am drunk right now. Why shouldn't I hook up with my coworker.

Today I let my nerd-flag fly by wearing a Legend of Zelda t-shirt with a green background for St Patricks Day.

The fact that she (Barbara) knew it was a Zelda shirt without me prompting made me love her more.

ETA:

I did make comments to her(Barbara) that I would be making a traditional corned beef meal and that there would be extras fell deaf on her.

Why can't humanity just speak one language? I had a hand-doctor trainee join us on our walk today but I can only understand half of what he says due to his accent. He is from Malaysia and has apparently lived in a half dozen south-east asian area such Korea, Bangledesh, Hong Kong and others. And honestly I would love to pick his brain.

Os it even possible to court someone nowadays without getting arrested or fired?

I may be testing this question shortly.

OTOH, if it keeps a bunch of depressed young men from suicide or shooting up a school, maybe it isn't so bad.

I mean, we can talk about warping one's view of women, but porn already did that and is more easily available than at any time in history.

And we can talk about the declining ability for people to be able to interact in person, but social media already took care of that.

Yeah, maybe it takes us further down the rabbit hole, but we were already way down that rabbit hole to begin with.

The one good thing about being a bachelor is that I can make a pan of bacon and no one asks why.

I have a 19 year old son who has ZERO interest in dating. He feels that this is real.

You could also eat a whole pizza and no one would ask why. So that's two things.

I could make a pan of bacon and my wife wouldn't ask why, she'd just insist I share

SI

You aren't divorcing your wife anytime soon are you?

I hope not

SI

Well keep me posted

Well if nothing else I created a meetup event for the Mario movie (the week after the premiere). I'm hoping to push Barbara to attend but we'll see.

I've been thinking that I've been going about this all wrong.

Since I've broken up with one girl, the jbmagic-method says I should date two girls next. And if that fails then 4 girls...etc

Am I doing this right?

Er, will they all be co-workers?

I'm most concerned that you felt the need to ask :p

Do you have insights on following the jbmagic method?

Does it matter at this point in the thread?

Here is a great pick-up line from Twitter you can use:
“Trump might go to jail for paying hush money. No amount of money could hush me up about how much I miss you, girl”

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I like it

Am I allowed to go up to a woman and say "You're looking good in pre-season!"

Maybe dating not your game

No its not but I'm a Human Being who seek Human Companionship.

I'll continue seeking it until someone mixes ChatBot with RealDoll2

Maybe below article will give you some tips and inspiration. Subscribe to her and am guessing she can give you better advice than all of us here.

She's gone on 34 dates in 19 countries over the past year. Here's what she's learned | CNN

How to (successfully) hit on a coworker.
 

We already did this at the beginning of the thread:

Focus on things you especially like to do outside the house and look for peoples that simply enjoy doing things like that and then things just happen


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Also put a banana in your pants when you are at these outdoor activities, and it should help the amount of attention you receive from the ladies.

Not down the back of your pants . . .

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"It's a brown banana! No really! Watch" proceeds to eat the banana.

Is it OK if I hit on my coworker out of spite?

And this may be my emotions talking so forgive me. But I have come to suspect that my former girlfriend was eyeing another guy when she broke up with me. Now much of this comes from a poorly phrased text she sent to me the other night. She has started seeing another guy. I know that guy was asking about dating her (via a mutual friend) the moment he found out our relationship was on rocky terms. To me it would explain why she was checked out the last couple times she saw me.

Anyways I wouldn't quite be asking my coworker (I think I called her Barbara earlier) out spite. But in all seriousness I am hesitant to date a coworker but spite would get me over that hump.

I suspect it would end badly. Dating a coworker is precarious at best. Not doing it for the right reason has disaster written all over it.

No good can come from this

SI

Just let it go. Holding a grudge is a waste of time, life is too short. Plenty of other women out there.

Not for a 38 year old balding short guy.

Maybe it will be the summer of NobodyHere

Well there are 16 people signed up for my walk tomorrow, mostly new faces.

The last few walks have been just 3-4 people but given the weather it is understandable. I think now that spring is coming around more people will be showing up.

ETA:

Against the forum's better advice I did invite Barbara to join me on my group walk but she turned me down.

I am very tempted to quit my job and to spend the next month decompressing.

Unless you are independently wealthy, IMO do.not.do.it. It is easier to get a job when you already have one.

Find a new job, negotiate to start 4 weeks later, maybe 5 weeks (e.g. have to finish a job for a client).


EDIT: layoffs are happening, recession may happen later this year. There'll be lots of uncertainty in the job market

Decompressing is a good idea. Quitting is not. My advice is to resist the urge to make emotional decisions.

I've always heard this as well. I also read an article saying that this isn't true. The reason being that unemployed people have less leverage when it comes to salary.

For example, if someone tries to hire me, they have to make sure I am fit for the job, I have to make sure the job is a fit for me. Also the recruiter has to beat my current salary or make up for it in other ways. In addition I would give my current employer a chance match any offer received.

Staying put is an option for me. For someone who is unemployed and has bills to pay, it isn't. So therefore a recruiter has more leverage.

Plus in addition it's just easier to arrange interviews with someone who isn't working a full time job. For me the only time I have available is lunch unless the recruiter wants to talk to me in the evening.

Yeah, pretty much the only thing I do outside of my house are my walks. Today's attendance was pretty good. Heck a woman even gave me her number. She offered it without me even asking. But I think that was mostly because she's rather new in town and is just looking for friends. But who knows.