Hoping to make it a quick end to his adversary, Little Jeebie yanks the sword out and swings at Split Peon's head. This time he lands a light blow on Split Peon's armor. Split Peon manages to retaliate but is bleeding profusely from his stomach wound. Split Peon attempts to swing again . . .

But, Little Jeebie Dee just slaps Split's sword to the side. Jeebie thrusts his longsword at his foe yet again, opening up a wound in his arm. Split Peon staggers and his vision begins to go fuzzy as he tries to keep his entrails inside of himself. Jeebie swings again, but can't penetrate Split's armor. Split retaliates, but he has no energy. Split continues bleeding . . .

Little Jeebie backs up for a moment to watch his opponent suffer. Split's only way out is to make a spirited charge and pray for the best. He charges, but Jeebie evades. Split collapses on the ground from the loss of blood.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Little Jeebie Dee is quick and merciful as he skillfully wields the longsword. It takes only a moment for him to bring it down on Split Peon's neck and sever the head from the body. The crowd cheers. Jeebie heads for the tunnel daydreaming about how drunk he would get tonight.

Little Jeebie Dee is promoted to Rank 3 and receives 2 prestige points. The Rooster collects the $25,000 purse and trains Little Jeebie Dee further in the art of anticipating his opponents attacks. Little Jeebie Dee was not injured during the fight and can fight again at his leisure.

Next up: The main event.

Qwikshot vs. Calaleus

Can Qwikshot single handedly save The House of Four Fingers?

Qwikshot (Rank 2, The House of Four Fingers) vs. Calaleus (Rank 3, House Corax)

Purse: $34,000

Weapons: Rapier, Chainsaw, Knife, Longsword

Four Fingered Flynn nervously chomped on his finger nails. Qwikshot was the only chance he had of avoiding financial ruin. Flynn was worried specifically because his fighter was going up against a higher ranked fighter. Even though Qwikshot got a good weapons draw, Flynn knew that Qwik would have to be in excellent form if he was to win the match against Calaleus. As the two fighters came out onto the paddocks, Flynn was relieved to see that his fighter was in much better shape. The oddsmakers took their notes and adjusted their odds to 3:2 in favor of Qwikshot. And we know that the oddsmakers have been in rare form today . . .

The two men are led into the arena amongst the pomp and fanfare that suits the occasion. Various flares go off in the corners of the arena. The Thunderdome Girls dance about the arena scantily clad. Chevy Chase steps up to the microphone and gives the call . . . "BEGIN!" Qwik heads for the rapier, Calaleus heads for the chainsaw . . .

Both men reach their weapons in a timely fashion. Qwikshot picks up the rapier and charges Calaleus while Calaleus tries to start the chainsaw. Calaleus gives the cord a tug and the chainsaw lets out a low low rumble. It stops. It starts rumbling again. It stops. It starts rumbling. Calaleus squeezes the trigger giving it some gas and the chainsaw begins idling properly.

Wow, little Jeebie was pretty expeditive in that fight...

As Qwik enters the chainsaw's attack arc, Calaleus takes a swing. Qwik easily parries the shot aside, but cannot return an accurate shot, missing by at least a foot. Calaleus attacks again and Qwik's defensive skills appear to be in good form as he parries the chainsaw again. Qwik returns a much more accurate shot this time . . .

And pokes Calaleus in the leg with the rapier. The blade goes in an inch before Qwik pulls it out and into a defensive position. He quickly strikes again, but Calaleus avoids the blow. Calaleus swings the chainsaw defensively, but Qwik's defensive skill is just too much. Qwik parries once again.

Calaleus reverts to a standard technique as he moves back in to attack Qwik. Calaleus' furious blow is met by Qwik's dancing rapier and turned aside. Once again, however, Qwik can't return an accurate shot and misses his opponent with the first of two following strikes. The second strike lands and opens a small wound on Calaleus. Calaleus swings wildly again, but over-rotates, leaving his back exposed to Qwik.

Qwik can't capitalize, trying to strike straight for Calaleus' heart. Calaleus swings back around and into a defensive position. The two men exchange parries again. Flynn looks on nervously. Qwikshot moves into a defensive position. As Calaleus attacks, Qwik intercepts the attack and cuts at open Calaleus' left arm.

Calaleus counters with a quick stab with the biting teeth of the chainsaw. Qwik is on top of his game though and parries yet another shot from Calaleus. As Qwikshot parries, he slides the blade up Calaleus' right arm and opens a small cut. Calaleus starts to feel a little light headed and charges Qwikshot. Qwik attempts to intercept, but he can't. With a heavy swing Calaleus attempts to turn the match . . .

But he loses his grip on the chainsaw. It tumbles out of his hand and flies to the ground. Qwikshot decides to move himself between his foe and the chainsaw. Calaleus looks for a new weapon and finds the knife in close proximity. He grabs for it.

With lightning speed, Calaleus picks up the weapon and strikes out at Qwikshot. Qwik is equal to the task and parries the blade harmlessly away. The knife seems to be just enough for Calaleus alive as he parries away three consecutive thrusts from his opponent. Qwikshot, won't let Calaleus get through his guard either.

Qwikshot opens up another nick on his opponent and parries the returning blow. Another attack and another small wound opens up on Calaleus, this time on his cheek. Calaleus' uses Qwik's frustration against him. In a moment of opportunity, Calaleus throws the knife at Qwik and it sticks in his stomach.

Calaleus takes off for the longsword and Qwikshot is too stunned to follow him. Qwik groans as he pulls the knife out of his stomach. Calaleus gets to the longsword picks it up. He looks to have a second wind as Qwikshot charges uncontrolably.

The two exchange parries again. The crowd cheers. Flynn winces. Qwikshot stabs hard at Calaleus' chest. Calaleus attempts to move, but his body isn't as quick as his mind anymore. The rapier goes straight through his chest and sticks out the other side.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Qwikshot has been promoted to Rank 3 and receives 3 prestige points. Flynn happily collects the $34,000 purse and proceeds immediately to the loan shark's office to pay off some debts. Afterwards, he trains the only fighter left in his house how to better defend himself. Qwikshot will be out for 1 week with his knife wound and will be able to fight again in week 7 if he wishes.

Here is our Hall of Fodder. The list grows each week! :D

SlaveName	Rank	Slayer	DeathThroe	House Name
Calaleus	3	Qwikshot	Skewered through lung	House Corax
Split Peon the First	2	Little Jeebie Dee	Impaled and Beheaded	Bloodhaus
MC²	2	Raven Hawk	Got hammered	The House of Four Fingers
Rizarro	2	JAGus "Mad" MAXimus	Didn't See the Crowbar Coming	The House of Four Fingers
Hokius Maximus	2	Big Bad	Crushed Head & Chest	House Corax
Godzillius Blitz	2	Calaleus	Axehead in the head	Bloodhaus
Ajtuck	1	Godzillius Blitz	Crushed Windpipe and Suffocation	House Corax
The Hunter	1	JAGus "Mad" MAXimus	New Entrée: Shishka-heart	The House of Four Fingers
Thickthumbs the Violent Tempered	1	Rizarro	Machete Embedded in Skull	Pain Unlimited
Myrdrimor	1	Calaleus	Lost his Head to an Axe	The House of Four Fingers
Coffee Warlord	1	Qwikshot	Lost his Head to a Machete	Bloodhaus
Jeeberus Dee	1	MC²	Neck/Axe Incompatability Issues	House Corax
HellAntic	1	Split Peon the First	Lost his Head to a Machete	The House of Four Fingers
King II	1	Fattoe the Smashifier	New "flat-top" skull adjustment	Bloodhaus
Sinister Vibes	1	The Chief	Axe Embedded in Chest	Bloodhaus
Kingfc22	1	Fattoe the Smashifier	Brained by Lead Pipe	Bloodhaus
Gaius Julius Vincius	1	Fattoe the Smashifier	Severed Artery in Leg	Bloodhaus
Flatulon	1	Little Jeebie Dee	Longsword Caught in Neck	Pain Unlimited
Blade	1	Mucius "The Lefty" Scaevola	Axehead to heart via collarbone	The House of Four Fingers
Dr. Fantastic	1	Gunther GoBoom	Chainsaw bit him in the chest	Malice Unchained
Ca$h Money	1	Love Hurts	Bloodloss to Bloodhaus	Malice Unchained
Pilot the Cruel	1	Froggius	Stabbed in the Chest w/Crowbar	House Corax
Revile the Revolting	1	Erik Flamebeard (of the neither her nor there)	Erik Smash Head	Bloodhaus
Blade6119	1	The Chief	It Was His Destiny	The House of Four Fingers
DeToxusRoxus	1	Hokius Maximus	Cut in Twain by Chainsaw	The House of Four Fingers

Feel free to sign up for Friday's auction block.

Great stuff.

Current Season Standings:

House Name	W	L	Win %	Cash
Pain Unlimited	8	2	0.800	$69,000.00
Malice Unchained	6	2	0.750	$50,500.00
House Corax	3	5	0.375	$10,000.00
Bloodhaus	4	8	0.333	$25,500.00
The House of Four Fingers	4	8	0.333	$33,500.00

Page 1 updated.

Pain Unlimited rocks da House!

When is it my turn to fight?

Little man give Fattoe fight. Can see toenails gurgling in stomach. Heh.

Muahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Who is next to die at the hands of the youngest Dee brother?

I think you will find that Love conquers all. Love Hurts plans on eliminating the Dee family tree starting with the easiest one first.

RealDeal,

You need to challenge/accept a challenge from an opponent to get the match scheduled. Check out the first page and find somebody who isn't scheduled and challenge them. I'd recommend not going after the Rank 3 and Rank 4 opponents for your first fight.

Sorry about the confusion.

I challenge everybody. Come on, mother fuckers, you don't have what it takes to withstand the Real Deal.

Mucius "The Lefty" Scaevola would be happy to end the Real Deal's life prematurely. Alea ayate es!

On a side note, didn't we have quite a rivalry going as wide receivers at some point?

Name: Tony Harding
Weapon of choice: Lead Pipe (of course)
Preffered House: any but Malice Unchained

Open challenge: rank 1 or 2

Lol! I do believe that the Lead Pipe would be appropriate. :)

Big Bad sits alone, his wound still seeping and festering. Dirt covers his skin and the lice are almost visibly crawling in what little remains of his hair. A grotesque smile is spread across his face as he stares down at the individual twigs that he grasps in each hand.

"BIG BAD SMASH!"

With that, the twig in his left hand soundly thwacks the one in his right, nearly splitting it in two.

"BIG BAD ENTER, BIG BAD LEAVE!"

The twig in his right hand swings at the left, missing pathetically of course, then falls to the ground as Big Bad lets it go. His left hand moves it's twig over the fallen one.

"WARHAMMER SMASH!"

His left hand mashes into the ground, enveloping both twigs, then proceeds to basically squish both twigs into the ground. When he lifts his hands, both twigs are shattered and broken, yet the satisfied smile never waivers.

"Jagus enter, Jagus die"

Be still my beating heart. Yowza!

:D

"Well Flynn, it's getting quite quiet round here.."

"Just be sure to evade, anticipate the movements..."

I think I have a line of people for my blood, Hoopsguy and the Split...out one week to recuperate then time to spend learning how to obliterate...

Challenge accepted, fool...

Name: King III
Weapon of choice: Warhammer


I accept this open challenge.

Hey wasn't there supposed to be a weapons draw today?

Yeah, sorry. I was finishing up my submission for WSUCougar's essay contest. I'll do the weapons draw later tonight.

Parvus Caesar "The Side Salad" (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Bladed Death (Rank 1, House Corax)
Weapons: Longsword, Lead Pipe, Spiked Club, Machete
Analysis - Neither fighter drew their weapon. Parvus Caesar favors the knife and Bladed Death favors the Rapier. You probably won't be able to find a fairer fight. The weapons don't matter, but their form will matter. Both men are training vigorously to get into shape for the match. Oddsmakers say 1:1.

Godzillius Blitz II (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Mikhail Vicious (Rank 1, Bloodhaus)
Weapons: Knife, Claymore, Lead Pipe, Knife
Analysis - Once again neither opponent got lucky in the draw. However, Godzillius can take more hits. It will be interesting to see if either of the fighters go for the claymore, which is the only weapon that has any range in the group. The fight stands currently at 4:3 in favor of Godzillius.

Windstorm 1 (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Gunther GoBoom (Rank 2, Bloodhaus)
Weapons: Longsword, Chains, Spiked Club, Chains
Analysis - The weapon selection evens this fight out a little. Gunther will still hold the advantage wearing his armor into the ring and hanging onto the higher rank. It is, however, imperative that Gunther gets to the longsword before Windstorm 1 does. If Windstorm gets the longsword look for Gunther to try to get to a set of chains. Chains are good at disarming opponents and Gunther will want to get that longsword out of Winstorms hands. Early odds come in at 4:3 in favor of Gunther.

Erik Flamebeard (of the neither here nor there) (Rank 2, Malice Unchained) vs. Froggius (Rank 2, Pain Unlimited)
Weapons: Rapier, Rapier, Machete, Axe
Analysis - Once again, neither man has drawn their weapon. The will be a knock down drag out fight between two decent fighters. Froggius will attempt to use his aggressive style to penetrate Erik's defense and Erik will try to anticipate Froggius' actions and intercept those attacks. Current odds are 1:1.

Big Bad "The Almost Dead" (Rank 2, Malice Unchained) vs. JAGus "The Not Quite Dead" (Rank 3, Pain Unlimited)
Weapons: Warhammer, Chainsaw, Warhammer, Spiked Club
Analysis - You'd think that JAGus would be lucky in getting his chainsaw in his third straight match. However, Big Bad is even luckier today. Big Bad finds two of his warhammers in the ring for the fight . . . and he'll need them. Both men will be coming in with injuries and Big Bad is worse for wear than JAGus. This should be a quick match for the victor. Current odds are 3:2 in favor of JAGus "mAd" MAXimus.

Erik....Slash?

Hey Big Bad! Erik needs you to throw one of your warhammers into his match. Erik must smash, not slash!

You only need one hammer to smash. You have two, Erik has none. Give Erik one.

Looks like we both had bad luck already. I think "fair fight" is RH-speak for "they both suck". Stay tuned to see which bad luck wins out ;)

SI

Windstorm 1 (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Gunther GoBoom (Rank 2, Bloodhaus)
Weapons: Longsword, Chains, Spiked Club, Chains
Analysis - The weapon selection evens this fight out a little. Gunther will still hold the advantage wearing his armor into the ring and hanging onto the higher rank. It is, however, imperative that Gunther gets to the longsword before Windstorm 1 does. If Windstorm gets the longsword look for Gunther to try to get to a set of chains. Chains are good at disarming opponents and Gunther will want to get that longsword out of Winstorms hands. Early odds come in at 4:3 in favor of Gunther.


Gunther mad at stupid draw.

Gunther need chainsaw.

Gunther want to stick chainsaw in Winstorm's face.

That's not far from the truth. :)

I'm going to get started here in a minute, but I wanted to warn people that it will take a little longer to post the matches today as I am "live simming" instead of posting something that I simmed last night.

Everybody get ready for the THUNDERDOME!

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Here's today's card:

Undercard 4($12,000): Parvus Caesar "The Side Salad" (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Bladed Death (Rank 1, House Corax)
Undercard 3($12,000): Godzillius Blitz II (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Mikhail Vicious (Rank 1, Bloodhaus)
Undercard 2($18,000) : Windstorm 1 (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Gunther GoBoom (Rank 2, Bloodhaus)
Undercard 1($25,000) : Erik Flamebeard (of the neither here nor there) (Rank 2, Malice Unchained) vs. Froggius (Rank 2, Pain Unlimited)
Main Event($35,000): Big Bad "The Almost Dead" (Rank 2, Malice Unchained) vs. JAGus "The Not Quite Dead" (Rank 3, Pain Unlimited)

Parvus Caesar "The Side Salad" (Rank 1, Pain Unlimited) vs. Bladed Death (Rank 1, House Corax)

Purse: $12,000

Weapons: Longsword, Lead Pipe, Spiked Club, Machete

Parvus Caesar is the first to trot out to the paddocks and he looks to be in pretty good shape. When Bladed Death appears on the stage, he looks to be in just as good shape. This match has the potential of being an epic length battle, since neither man is in much better shape than the other and neither man has any skill in the weapons that will be in the arena. The odds go off at 1:1. The men are led to the arena and they are taken to their corners. The host takes the microphone . . . "BEGIN!" Parvus heads for the lead pipe, Bladed Death heads for the Machete . . .

Parvus is the first to get to his weapon and picks up. He charges Bladed Death, but the bladed one is quick to get his machete up for a block. Parvus continues attacking aggressively, and Bladed Death is using a standard fighting style. Bladed Death's first swing lands short of its mark. Parvus Caesar takes a wide, powerful swing . . .

And catches the tip on Bladed Death's head. Bladed Death grabs his head in pain, but can continue fighting. Bladed Death returns with an overhead machete strike, but Parvus easilyt parries the blow to the side. Parvus' counterstrike is not effective either as Bladed Death turns his strike to the side as well.

Both men adopt normal fighting stances and continue the fight. Parvus strikes low at Bladed Death's knees, but hits his thigh instead with minimal effectiveness. Bladed Death is looking awkward with the machete, often trying to thrust with it instead of using a chopping motion. Blade Death thrusts the machete at Parvus Caesar and Parvus easily blocks. Parvus strikes out again with the lead pipe . . .

And cracks Bladed Death in the skull. Bladed Death goes down to the dirt unconscious.

TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

Parvus Caesar steps over the body of Bladed Death and lines up the death blow. Raising the lead pipe high to the sky, Parvus brings it down hard on Bladed Death's skull. The resounding thud echoes through the stadium and the crowd goes wild. Parvus stands up and bows before exiting the arena.

Parvus Caesar is promoted to Rank 2 and receives 1 prestige point. Torbjorg picks up the $12,000 purse and offers to teach Parvus Caesar one of the fighting styles. Parvus was not injured in the fight, and will be able to fight again at his own leisure.